Embracing Solitude
One of my good friends checks in on me to see how I am adjusting to my new environment. She will also be moving away from home to start school in the Fall of 2019. I tell her it’s not easy but the best of it all is getting to know oneself in this journey.
I had to move to Eugene, Oregon in September of 2018 to initiate a PhD program in Geography. I was excited to be in a completely new place, meet new people, and go in depth with my research interests. Little that I imagined the solitude I was going to confront and the adjustment to being close to nature, literally living in close proximity to the forest. In Los Angeles, where I have been raised since I was 3 years old, everything is familiar to me. From the language, food, people of the same background, affinity groups, and of course family I was in my comfort zone. I did not know anything about being with or by myself. I was always surrounded by community, by groups with the same political interests, and by love. It has been difficult to adjust to this new chapter. Although I check in with friends and family on the daily and thanks to social media it feels like I am still at home getting notified on new upcoming social events, my physical body is in Eugene.
This new place has a bad history of being a white utopian. Allowing black people and people of color until the 1970s. It has been interesting to not see many children running down the streets or even in the parks. Instead you see folxs walking their dogs, even taking their dogs to an exclusive dog park. You see more pine trees than freeways and buildings which is great but the acknowledgement of the Kalapuya indigenous people is still unheard of at most of the university events.
When we complain about the disproportionate number of white students to people of color at universities I think University of Oregon should be the main example because it is extremely noticeable. The lack of representation of people of color is bad but luckily that is changing, even though I have felt tokenized and definitely the minority in a room full of white students and professors. I have had people ask me “If I am a citizen?” or to repeat myself because even academic English is another language to learn.
However, I would not change this experience for anything, even though I have thought to myself two to three times a day “Damn, I can be in LA right now spending time with my partner and family!” But I know I will soon, this is just a time I need to learn new skills and prepare for my future.
In the beginning of this journey I was really afraid but what has helped me is to create a sanctuary in my own place where I live now. Making me feel welcomed and feel cozy. Definitely, being in so close proximity to the forest is beautiful, listening to the leaves and paying attention to the seasons. I think if anything I learned for the next two years of living alone is to trust in myself and that everything will be ok. I am thankful for the new friends I am meeting, the womxn of color in Eugene who I rely on. Meeting up and drinking tea, venting, and talking about our projects its so inspiring. This place will never be my home, LA and Guatemala are my home but Eugene is a place that is teaching me a lot, even how to thrive in the snow.
Therefore, if you are thinking of moving away for work, school, or just to try it do it! It will change your life but most importantly you will learn to be with yourself, to embrace your solitude. Of course, everything with balance is essential but it has helped me to learn boundaries, respect other people’s boundaries, and just be ok if I need to hang out with myself, my books, and my herbal care project.
~ How do you spend time with yourself?
~ What are your favorite activities?
~ How do you define solitude?
